i went on a date with someone i met on the net last week, suzki we’ll call him..

on paper it was absolutely perfect. he’d lived in taiwan and hong kong for the past 5 years and was looking for someone who’d lived or visited as a common ground. he was good looking and just my type, used to be a body builder and is now a bouncer, love my big men! we had the same morals, don’t judge a book by it’s cover but a good judge of character. loved our meat, steak especially… the list goes on.

and on paper is where the similarties ended.

he ended up chatting about past conquests and his ex girlfriend a little TOO much and if you’ve read my past record then you’ll see that i seem to have a track record of attracting these ones. 

for godsake

then after i explained it was of putting but would be willing to give it one more go to just see as he said that he was nervous, i phoned him and it rang once and he hung up on me! the reason why? 

” sorry, i can’t talk, my mum is here and i don’t want her listening”

mate, you’re 28 and you’re hiding stuff from your MUM?! i thought ex girlfriends were a bad thing but the mother.. forget about it

I’ve been a little quiet lately as I’ve got a lot of things on my plate and it’s overflowing my brain. But I’ve made one decision that will hopefully change one part of my life.

I’ve joined a dating site on the recommendation of vee. I’ve always been apprehensive about doing this because whenever I hear about people doing it, I think, how sad they must be that they can’t meet someone in reality.

But I’ve had a change of heart when vee has been telling me for the past few months that her life has been filled with dates and she’s met a few potential men.

I turned 28 this year and I got out of my mental abusive relationship last year and have been having the time of my life.. With my friends. I’m not your average girl and I don’t care what you think but I’m a complete hag! I’m the one at the front of the parade with my friends, blowing on a whistle and waving a pink flag. All I do is go to gay clubs and gay bars and well known in the soho area. As much fun as I’m having and the enourmous love I feel for my friends, I’m not going to meet a man this way, which is probably why that out of the last 3 guys I was with, 2 of them I worked with.

The other problem I find is that the men that ask me out are the ones that I am not interested in or attracted to in the slightest. I look at them and think, wow, I’d rather sit indoors and gauge my eyes out with a fork then get a free meal out of you. Instead, the ones that I like, I have to ask out and then I tend to hear the words “I never thought you’d go for me”

Am I that unapproachable? Or do I exude this confidence which is actually just a smoke screen? I am a confident person, within myself that is. I don’t look perfect but I don’t look like the witch from wizard of oz either but I can’t afford plastic surgery so you know what, I deal with what I have and make the best of it. That is where my confidence comes from. I know myself.

So I have resorted to meeting someone online because then at least it can break the ice so I can find his likes and dislikes quickly and also how big their… Bank balance is.. I know what you thought I was going to write! Going out with boys who work in retail isn’t going to take me to the ritz or on nice holidays. As shallow as this sounds, you don’t know how bad my last relationship was. We went out less than 10 times in the space of 5 years, we never went on holiday, he didn’t have a job the whole time and he drove my self esteem into the ground.

After a year nearly, I realise how much I’m worth and I feel better about myself, maybe not my life but I’m ready to meet someone.

Hello? Are you out there?

So have my drunken days of being sick, being a nightmare and being completely out of control gone forever?

The last couple of times I’ve been out have shown my growth and maturity and last night was no exception.

Richael and little M have split up. I’m very sad about this as I was the one who introduced them. I knew they would be a perfect match. Both are happy go lucky, have hearts of gold and couldn’t kill a fly because they’d have no idea how to. After being together for a year, little M decided to end it. Noone else was involved it was just that he has a lot on at the moment.

I asked richael to come out because I thought it’d be nice as he doesn’t really come on my random drunken nights after work and we could meet little m after. As we were sipping our first pints, he dropped the bomb shell. So he had an emotional evening of getting hideously drunk and throwing up.. On me at one point which was glorious. But being the good friend I am, I made sure that he got in a cab safely, I would like to add that it was the fourth cab that eventually took him as he was so smashed that the drivers didn’t want him in their cabs. Mr jack quipped that two months ago, I’d have just thrown him on a bus and carried on with my night. Too true!

The time before I had to look after and take home MF because he was so drunk that he even had a little altercation with a bum. He told him he was poor. Oh yes he did.

All of this may sound good news to you but to me it is worrying. I’m becoming sensible.

Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck

So power lez, my manager, took me off the shop floor today and we went out for a sneaky cig to discuss somethings that are going on the floor at the moment. Obviously the racist issue with rag head came up and I was told, in strict confidence of course, that I will be getting my way and that little bitch is moving departments.

Ha fucking ha

Also for some reason, power lez says she knows rag head won’t be as clever as me at the this game and to write a diary of things that have previously happened that I can use against her. She then went on to say, if I can’t remember some dates, she’ll help me but obviously she’s not meant to!

The smirk is covering my face